Making a beeline off the stage towards a quiet room to take a few breaths, then back into the auditorium pressing my face into Jon’s chest and letting myself weep… They never said vulnerability was comfortable and they never said you wouldn’t have every feeling under the sun once you brought darkness into light, but He said you would find freedom and that’s worth it all.
The past few weeks I stood between two lives, the hurt of the past that I’ve walked through and largely healed from and the hurt of the present in which there is a current reality of healing. It’s easy to pull towards the thing that’s already happened because we know how it ends, it fits in a box “nicely” and we get to wrap it up with a pretty bow, but something that still has loose ends: that is much harder. It loosens our grip on control, but it’s exactly in those moments that God gets to rush in like a force.
So I stood up on a stage Saturday, knees trembling and tears welling in my eyes because I knew God was calling me to be the most vulnerable I had ever been.
Most of you have gotten glimpses into this, but here are the cliff notes from Saturday:
Eating Disorders and mental health have been an important and significant part of my family’s history. And after watching several close friends struggle and walk through this I always played support until the beginning of 2017 when my own physical and mental health started to decline significantly, although oblivious at first.
Anxiety and fear over food, fitness, and even my own head plagued me. Every morning being scared of what the day would bring.
So over a year later it’s still hard, my head still gets in the way, the enemy still has places he can get small grips, but every day is a step and every day is making His grasp weaker and the light in darkness gets a little bit more radiant.
How to wrap up process in three little notes:
- Find community and don’t feel guilty about allowing people to walk beside you
- Don’t use distractions as a bandaid, the only real healing comes from the deep dive
- Learn yourself. What is well-rounded wellness & self care, and what does it look like for you?
But my story isn’t unique people have their own ashes, process, and healing and that’s the beauty of The 61 Exchange based on Isaiah 61, everyone is invited into these truths and promises.
My desire now is to create spaces for people to dig deep into fears, anxieties or the like that they are facing and bring into the light in a safe space. I want women to have a healthy view of themselves, food, and nutrition and what whole wellness looks like because our bodies our vessels to fulfill a purpose, and if you woke up breathing today that means YOU have His purpose to walk out.
So where are YOU? What does this stir inside your head and heart? Really, I want to know!
So start speaking truth over your life from the word’s our Savior wrote. You are beloved, beautiful, and called!
To learn more about The 61 Exchange click here.
And if you want to connect email me at firstname.lastname@example.org