Finishing a Marathon in More Ways than One

My “a” key is sticky as I type this, so it could get interesting. It’s been one week. One week since I crossed the finish line of the Walt Disney World Marathon. One week of achieving two goals I had set post-partum. One week of unwinding from a season of chaos, and more ugly-named a season of selfishness.

In August I was unwinding from a season of LOVE ATLANTA, some special events I was working, my brother’s wedding, and gearing up to start this marathon training cycle. I had already turned down one contracting opportunity that gave me little lead time after a busy season, when I was approached about another 12-week opportunity, side hustle if you will. It was something I had always been curious in, and had previously said I wouldn’t give up if I was approached with the opportunity. Whenever I try to describe my personality and the way I work, I sing Shakira the gazelle’s song “Try Everything” from Zootopia. I am far more scared to not have found something that I love, then to fail in the attempt. I have failed A LOT, but I would take it every day over not having gone for it. So I said yes.

I already had several things slated for this past season and a few personal challenges long the way – finishing our home study for foster/adoption, my grandmother being in the hospital long term from COVID – but I didn’t let that stop me. So I dove in: training for my marathon, studying for my PMP exam, taking on my regular job + contract work, taking care of the house + Elijah, supporting Jon in his world. It was too much and everyone around me suffered.

I thought I was doing alright, I was trying to be flexible and present, but even when those two things variables aligned my mind was usually elsewhere. My engagement with Elijah tanked, I was forgetting or having to cancel things with friends, eventually we all got sick, and Jon could be telling me a 50 minute story and 2 minutes in I was trying to solve some puzzle in one of my realms and missed the whole thing. Talk about frustrating.

God in His kindness allowed me to carry it all for good and bad. I helped launch a few successful projects with work, I got to be a part of a few interesting and fun projects in the contract world, I passed my PMP exam and officially got certified, and reached two of my three goals for my marathon (sub 3:30 and finish without walking – by stretch goal was sub 3:15 if you were interested), but as I crossed the finish line something felt different than it ever had: gratitude + contentment, a sign it was time for something else.

I reflected on it a good bit this past week, my word for the year is simplify, and through the muck of this last year – even in the good – I let myself and feelings take the drivers seat A LOT. And so I feel convicted and challenged. How do I balance showing up for my community without sacrificing my presence with the people I love? How do I actively create the boldness in the uncomfortable places (it’s plenty there in the comfortable ones)? How do I not try to “share” the spotlight with my Creator/Savior by continuing to achieve and goal-set? How do I cultivate a love of adventure and exploration alongside extreme generosity?

That’s why I want to chew on the first few months of this year. I crossed the finish line of this marathon and as the final moment of this past season – and now it’s time for something new. Lord how can I do your will with what you’ve given me?

Amen.

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It’s FINALLY Time

I’ve been hinting around my book for almost a year now, and ya’ll it’s within a week of being READY! So, what does that mean exactly? Well I first want to do a little Q/A about the 180 pages of words, so that all of you who have asked now can hop on board!

1. Why has it taken another 6 months since your first author copy?!
   • In April I posted a picture with my author copy, but there was still something unsettled in my heart about it. Literally yesterday it felt like after a couple edits I felt the Lord saying: “NOW”
2. What is it about?
   • It’s about how isolated and unaddressed lies led to body image issues I felt like I couldn’t escape from. About how my image + identity was found in my sport & in how others (specifically men) viewed me and it led to a lot of frustration and hurt. It’s about how Jesus has a plan to use it and to heal it all!
3. Are there any hard topics?
   • YES! On the same note I believe an older teenage girl could handle it. We talk about Body Dysmorphia, Eating Disorders, the Female Athlete Triad, how mental health plays a role in it all, seeking professional help, and about how when we let men speak too loudly it starts drowning out the only voice that really matters.
4. Is it completely based on a true story?
   • While I take examples from other people’s stories, it is completely non-fiction.
5. Is this book about Jesus?
   • 1000% yes. While, it conquers hard lies and schemes of the enemy Jesus is what this is centered around and is the core of why this book was written. I felt that this reality of mental health and Eating Disorders in today’s culture didn’t provide the hope of Jesus in many settings.
6. Are you going through a traditional publisher?
   • I did a lot of research on this, but I found that for first time authors who do not already have a “platform” it is easier to go the self-publishing route. So, I’m using Lulu, it allows me support as needed and a safe place to work.
7. Why now?
   • I knew this book was supposed to be released before the end of this year, but was waiting for when the Lord finally gave me the peace and confidence to move forward.
8. Are you scared?
   • This may sound like a silly question, but yes! I don’t feel equipped, knowledgeable enough, or like the best writer. BUT do I feel like the Lord gave me these words? Yes, and with that I will be obedient.

This was the hardest thing I’ve done (because patience isn’t a strong suit of mine), but something I am so thankful for and excited to see how God uses it. Thank YOU for coming on board with me. Do you have any questions? I would love to answer any you might have at jordan@fuelingherforward.com .

Until next time friends,

Jordan

Traversing the Unknown

I can’t go into this without thanking everyone who has walked through any period of these years with us, and to everyone who has supported us through it all.

There really aren’t words to truly put this season and past two years into words. It’s definitely not the way I expected life to go when Jon and I said “I Do” just a little over four years ago. If you have known me for any period of time over the past two years you know that my body has been through a roller coaster of marathon training, exercise and eating disorder, recovery, balance, stress, job shifts, and lots of unknown. I’ve suffered through the Female Athlete Triad (I have a blog post about this back in 2017), and it’s taken my body (in every way) a long time to readjust even after the weight came back on and I was able to gain control of exercise.

This all came to a climax when my doctor suggested surgery back in early March. After never having been under anesthesia, there was a slight fear of what they might find but we proceeded knowing it might be the only way we could keep moving forward. So, in the middle of April that surgery happened, and after a recovery that went sideways with infection and the discovery of dangerously low iron, I felt hopeless. While my iron levels improved, there was another deficiency that was wreaking havoc on my body, all the while my body still wasn’t cooperating the way it should in other areas. 

In June, I was having bunch of sensory issues along with a sinus infection that just seemed annoying. I was tired of fighting, I went in for another round of blood work not actually expecting them to find anything, assuming it would be more of the same just getting through the days. God wasn’t scared of this challenge though, and much to my surprise the test results DID show something. While my iron had improved and maintained, there was another vitamin at play in the realm of anemia – vitamin B. Specifically for me: Vitamin B12, completely explaining the sensory issue since this vitamin plays to the health of your neurological system. So, we started on Vitamin B12 shots and a regular supplement. They also started me on an antibiotic for the pesky sinus infection, and then another, and then another. At this point I was pretty sure I just needed to go under surgery again and just get my sinuses flushed, but something was just still off in general. 

When I went to pick up my third prescription, they asked me point blank: “are you pregnant? You can’t take this if you are” I told them it was near impossible, but that I would grab a test and make sure before I started the medicine, that sounded good enough for them, I guess. So, I went home took the test: negative. Pretty much what I expected knowing what my body had been through (and not been through). 13 days later I had finished my prescription, my sinus infection wasn’t going away, and my constant body changes left me depleted and I lost it. Puddle on the floor. In that moment, something told me to just take the second test that came with the one I had taken two weeks before. Positive. I freaked, no one thought this was possible and I DEFINITELY couldn’t believe it was real. So, I went out and grabbed two more tests: both clearly positive. Unfortunately, I was headed out of town for four days and couldn’t get a next day appointment with my doctor to confirm. We ended up having to wait a week and change to see my doctor, despite the fact I have had to be there WAY too much they know me and my story and were thrilled to see that we might be expecting, and even more so when it was confirmed. 

You might be thinking at this point: well how far along were you. That’s a good question. We don’t actually know for sure. Through blood work and ultrasounds, we suspect I’m right at 14 weeks, with an anticipated deliver somewhere between mid to late March of 2020. Honestly, I was so in shock and so SICK it has been hard for me to get excited, but I am finally almost there! Having my hormones go from one extreme to the other over a period of weeks has also been REALLY challenging on me mentally and emotionally. Jon has been one incredible man through it all and of course he got excited right off the bat, naturally, which has helped me through some of the toughest days! 

At 11-12 weeks we were excited to hear a strong heartbeat and can’t wait for this next phase of finding out the gender. While we could have found out these past couple weeks, with our travel schedules (Los Angeles, Orlando, South Carolina in consecutive weeks), and a huge event I’m helping plan on October 5th I just decided to wait until our 16-week appointment (yes I, because Jon would have been there two weeks ago). 

So, I tell that story also to say this: God is in the business of displaying his perfect and God sized plan and he literally will do whatever he wants whenever he wants no matter what the circumstances might look like. Oh, you also might be wondering about our adoption plan!! We still plan to, our timeline just looks different now, because God is orchestrating our steps in a slightly different way. Our hearts aren’t any less towards adopting one day SOON! In all honesty, it’s pulled at my heart strings even more so. 

You also may be wondering about running. Every day I can be out there running I am so grateful. Right now, it’s a good bit slower and shorter, but if I can get 3-5 miles in, I am a happy camper. I’m hoping to increase the mileage slightly as the weather cools down in Atlanta, with a goal of doing a 10K each month leading up to delivery. I am of course expecting the Lord to change some of that thinking, but I would love to maintain my running for as long as possible. I will absolutely do some consistent blog posts about it during these next six months so give me a follow if you want to be notified about those! 

If you want to know any more about our story these two years, I would be happy to talk with you via email (Jordan@fuelingherforward) or face to face! 

For now, cheers to a new season, and thank you Jesus for your unfailing love and sovereignty 

Until next week friends (when I finish recapping LA and hit Food & Wine at Disney),

Jordan

Re-grounding Your Mornings and Enjoying the Early…

There have been 12308203 posts about good morning routines that help get your day off to a great start. BUT so often I hear the excuse that there isn’t enough drive to pull yourself out of bed early enough to set yourself up for success. I dare to say that it’s not so much about forming habits as it is finding the underlying foundation of why mornings can be so tumultuous. Maybe you’ve let the people around us convince you and I that in today’s “busyness” sleeping in and not worrying about the way you start your day is more acceptable than actually enjoying mornings. I hear so many people skipping out on breakfast or drinking 4 cups of coffee before they can even function. But is that really how we were created to live? Is that really thriving? Or have we let the cultural norm become too loud.

Several months ago I dug deep about how I was spending my mornings and why I still felt stressed even though I had exercised. Case in point it had an awful lot to do with cramming as much as possible in as little time as possible so you start the day and using food and coffee as the plug to keep me going. So I did a reset and here are a few things I have found in re-grounding your mornings:

1. Find something that excites you in a morning routine. One of the things I have found that I enjoy about my mornings is a fresh cup of coffee and a really great book. So instead of snoozing my alarm and dreading putting my feet on the cold floor, I’m excited to dive into the next page of adventure without being to quick paced quite yet.
2. Then set your alarm earlier. Instead of feeling like I am rushing to get everything crammed in before work I set my alarm 15 minutes earlier so that I can take it slow without being stressed before I ever step out the door.
3. Get to sleep 1/2 hour earlier. When Jon and I first got married he did not understand why I preferred to be in bed between 8-9. While that doesn’t always happen, when it can I let it because it sets me up to achieve whatever goals I have for the next day or week.
4. Fuel yourself well. Don’t get up and cram a bunch of white sugar in your face. It might give you a momentary high, but it will make you drag later in the day. Rather grab a piece of fruit, some nut butter and maybe one piece of toast (hold the jam), or if you have time scramble up some eggs. How you fuel yourself before and after you workout matters!
5. Set goals! Goal setting is part of who I am, but I realize it’s not intuitive for everyone. However, having something to look forward to isn’t going to hurt you becoming consistent. I have long term and short term goals. Long term I having the next full marathon after almost three months. Short term I have an ideal weight I want to be which is why I am incorporating Whole30 in this season

All this to say I love the really practical steps that many other blogs provide. Drink a glass of water, practice gratitude, etc. They are all so helpful and I incorporate these little details almost every day, however, the first step is getting to the foundation of why you feel unmotivated or find it hard to roll out of bed before you can put in place structure. In the past several months most of my mornings are a lot more peaceful and enjoyable because I have reset what they are all about and first and foremost remembering WHO they are all about.

I hope this helps you do just that.