Processing Disappointment + Cultivating Positivity

The Chicago Marathon 2021. It’s been a bucket list race for so many years, and three weeks ago I finally was able to toe the line. It was warmer than they anticipated, about 15 degrees warmer – yikes, 75 degrees start was not what I was hoping for. Still, I felt confident. I knew my fitness was there despite nagging injuries, I had run plenty of miles, and my Chiro and PT had helped me through it all. So my wave started around 7:45am and I felt great, I had to really hold myself back from going out too hard, the crowd was energetic and loud. The course just barely rolling – what a thrill.

10K in and I was in a stride still holding myself back trying to stay between the 3:25 and 3:20 pacers, for now. I knew I could keep this pace up no problem, the only hard moments were when the wind decided to gust in your face – it knocks your breathing off rhythm but I didn’t think too much about it. 10 miles in and while my legs still felt fresh as ever, something didn’t feel quite right, it was hard to place it. Was it my back, my leg that had given me trouble, was it the high temp and humidity forcing my lungs to work too hard? It was truly hard to pinpoint. The freshness of my legs, wanted me to keep going, my mind said I shouldn’t. So at 12.5 I dropped to a walk, called Jon on the phone and told him something wasn’t right. I was sad and confused, because I could have kept the pace up the whole way… but something had gone awry and I had to chose what happened next.

I walked 1 minute and then ran 2 minutes trying to loosen up my body, I was done by now no chance at coming back, but the decision to finish or walk off the course was another question entirely. Mindset is everything, I could live in the disappointment, but I could also embrace the atmosphere and the 11 or so miles I had left at this point. I did a body check to make sure I wasn’t actually causing damage to my hips or legs and pressed on. Smiling, chatting, breathing it all in. My legs were still fresh so as long as I circulated in a walk break to make sure I didn’t lock up I could run half miles at a time. Slowly (respectively – I realize it is still a nice clip to most) the miles ticked by. Jon was a rock, catching me at the points I needed it most.

I had fun the last 6 miles, when most people are just toasted my legs could still carry me with my steady clip. So down the last straight away we went and finally the finish line! I walked through feeling fine, until the 80 degrees suddenly caught up to my stomach, embarrassing! I sat down for a moment in the finish shoot (pretty far down, I wasn’t in the way) and quickly got told that I had to keep moving. That sounded dicey. So I breathed slow and steady to keep my stomach from actually taking me out and I made it over to Jon! In hindsight I probably shouldn’t have chugged the whole water bottle at the finish line.

We slowly made our way to the hotel and Jon stopped in for donuts that was just a block down. I didn’t feel like eating anything yet the donuts seemed like a great idea. Jon was so sweet to get a six count variety pack and I took small bites of each so we could try them all. It did not disappoint (shout out to Stan’s Donuts). We didn’t have as much time as we had hoped for since I finished about 45 minutes later than expected, so I quickly showered and headed to our last stop before flying out – Chicago deep dish.

OK, so I’m not a pizza person, however, when I traveled to Chicago in 2013 for a girls weekend we hit one of the iconic Chicago pizza places and I ate it up! This was not that. I am glad I had it, I still love true Chicago deep dish, but do NOT try to force it on your stomach a couple hours after a full marathon. It is not worth it.

The next couple hours were a blur, we made our way to the “L” and on to the airport. I talked to a nice older man from Maryland who had just finished the race as well. These young guns who had no idea what they were doing were sitting near us and asked us for running and fueling advice. Our flight was a few minutes delayed despite the flight attendant’s best efforts to make people board efficiently. I got upgraded at the last minute to Delta Comfort, which made Jon sad but my legs happy. Watched a fascinating documentary about the week after Princess Diana’s death, yes I am one of those people. Had a smooth drive through the city home; night time against the Atlanta Skyline is my favorite. My parents were there to greet us with pumpkin muffins and a sound asleep little boy. That adventure that really was 6 months in the making over, life moves on.

I would recommend Chicago to everyone. It’s an experience. A good one. I will forever look back and be glad I did it despite the result. But Monday started, I had a smiling boy that was so happy and surprised to see me, my work team didn’t care how I did, they are just forever impressed that I run marathons, I had so much support from my community. That’s a really beautiful thing about being a runner, you don’t have expectations added on from outside forces, it just gets to be you, and then when its over life is moving and people are with you through it all. A few days later I was in my kitchen eating ice cream and donuts with my friends and just happy to be there, thankful for the life God has given me.

If God is calling you – you can hold both, and they might have tension. You can set goals, step into the “yes’s” God is asking you too, but regardless if you hit a home run or strikeout, you did something and the people around you will spur you on for better or for worse.

Hawaii & Traveling Without Baby

Despite the pandemic, we managed to safely travel several times in Elijah’s first 16 months of life. Lake Hartwell to see my grandmother, across the southeast and even the southwest parts of the US, and most recently up to Maryland to see family. Traveling with Elijah as an infant was far from easy, but we hoped to get him used to it early on. I mentioned in an earlier blog post how great it was to be able to rent baby equipment! Although Elijah is far from accommodating on an airplane, he does fairly well once you get him to where he is going. He loves a good hiking backpack and has always seem to sleep well in different places. However, after so many trips it was time to branch out on a mom and dad only trip! When we first got married I had dreamed of saving up enough to go to Hawaii for our five-year anniversary, although for obvious reasons we didn’t hit that mark we were in a place we could do it for our 6th year. Jon is really blessed to have his whole office shut down for a full week every year. The church takes a Sabbath break to rest and remember all the Lord has done. This has typically fallen right around our anniversary so the timing is always perfect. August had been full this year, and we were ready to take some deep breaths and slow it down. I knew I would miss Elijah, the emotions came heavy with 36 hours to go, but the stay at home working mom life wears you down at moments, and on top of marathon training this mom needed a reset.

I am thankful for all of the moments I get in this life. God has blessed us immensely! I love what I do; I have a great running community, and I get to be home with Elijah while growing in my career. It doesn’t get much better, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get exhausted and whether big or small need to find ways to have our cup refilled. Hawaii was a dream trip of ours, once in a lifetime. And as much as we wanted some beautiful views, we also wanted to make sure we were quiet enough to really hear from the Lord.

So here’s several Hawaii tips when you are going on a couples trip sans kiddos:

  • DO NOT try to do Hawaii on a budget, you won’t enjoy it nearly as much. It’s expensive and if you are stressing pinching pennies, it’s not the time. We saved up 6 years for these moments and it was worth every penny!
  • Our view was phenomenal, I did the one tier upgrade so that we could have a garden view (and we ended up with garden, ocean and hills). We stayed outside of Honolulu/Wakiki because, especially during COVID, we wanted to have the space to walk around and breath in some of the more low key areas. These cost a little bit of a premium (although it didn’t not seem like an outrageous jump). Ko Olina was perfect for us! It has upper tier resorts, but the village is to die for, and you are in a little bit more of a secluded area, and you aren’t far away from anything. If you head that way try Island Vintage Coffee – I think we went there every day!
  • Bring snacks for the time difference! Especially quick breakfasts. Atlanta is a 6 hour time difference from Hawaii so the earliest we could eat Hawaii time was 12pm our time. So we grabbed a thing of bagels and peanut butter, and a few protein bars to tide us over when we woke up early and didn’t want to get hangry!
  • Take on the excursions that you couldn’t do with littles! The two that stand out to us were a couples surfing lesson on Oahu (no matter how scared you are – DO IT), we had a great experience with Surf N Sea ! The one thing I wish we had was someone to take a few snaps of us. The other experience is the Koko Crater Railway Trail. It’s a steep steep railroad track that takes you straight up and has the best views, but Jon couldn’t have done it with Elijah on his back.
  • Island hop! It’s easy to think that Oahu has all you need, and honestly it’s pretty close. BUT our trip to the big island was phenomenal. At Honolulu International there is a single terminal for cross island flights. We were parked and through security in 15 minutes if not less, the flight was 50 minutes, and the car rental experience in Hilo was outstanding. I think all in we were 2 hours from parking at HNL to pulling out of the Hilo rental car lot. Spend the $20 on the Jeep upgrade and enjoy whatever the other island has to offer. We chose the Big Island for Volcanoes National Park, but from all I hear Maui and Kauai are stunning.
  • Take your time eating. Meal times for us in this season are hectic. Elijah can have a great lunch and then be the pickiest ever for dinner, so getting a break from those toddler conversations and freak outs was so refreshing. We spent so much time on our balcony in the word with coffee and treats in hand.
  • Read every word at the Pearl Harbor Museum. There was a mom with a little boy while we were there, he had the nosiest shoes ever, but also just wanted to keep moving. Totally normal, but we got to actually sit in the weight of what happened over the course of Pearl Harbor’s history, and it’s worth sitting in.
  • Grab a photographer and get some shots together. Thankfully we were at Disney’s Aulani, where Photopass photographers are everywhere, and unlike Disneyworld where you pay $160 regardless of length of stay. You pay $70 at Aulani for a full 7 days. We were able to grab a photographer at sunset on the water, and just add it to our package.
  • Be ready to squeeze your littles so tight when you get back. We got back right after sunrise Sunday morning, and he was SO confused when we got there. We had purposely not talked to him during the week so he didn’t start to get uneasy and upset, but he was less than thrilled after realizing our betrayal. A few hours later he napping on my chest like he was a newborn. The transition back can be tricky, but it was worth it for both him and us.
  • Put the memories in a book… and do it quickly! I love memory books and so does my family and Elijah. However, the further you get from the trip or experience the less likely you are to get it done. So less than 48 hours after our trip I had all our pictures downloaded and compiled and added them to a Shutterfly photobook.

We realize how fortunate we are to experience these things at this stage in life. It’s not lost on us our situation, but regardless of where or how far you can go. Time away is good. Not to just do nothing, but to actually hone in on the gratitude and magnitude of God, who He is, and what He has done. Aloha for now friends.

Race Recaps and Rest Days

This past Friday rolled around and the pre race day moment I usually encounter hit: “Do I really want to toe the line tomorrow?”. Simply put, the way to get better at racing is to practice racing, but when you’ve ground your body down during training making it to the start line can be challenging. A 4 miler is nothing to gawk at, but it’s also not like asking my body to run a half or full marathon. I needed 12 miles on the day, and instead of pushing and potentially hurting my worn out body I decided to use the 4 miler as a marathon pace effort. It was the best of both worlds, I could get in practice with race morning, start waves, racing smart without pushing my body to the max and still getting in the work I needed.

And honestly those moments should be approached that way every time. Run by feel. Push yourself, but don’t get hurt. Race days are a dime a dozen and you can adapt your plan to what is healthiest for YOU on any given day. For some of us more competitive folk it’s hard not to try to rage out the starting gate, but that is when you have to focus on the long range goal. Sure I could risk injury now and aim high, but my actual goal is to be able to complete “so and so distance on this date”, so what is the wisest choice for now? Navigating iterative goals in the midst of a much larger goal poses challenges, but isn’t that kind of how life goals in general?

In my case, I am looking towards October 10th at the Chicago Marathon, everything else is just a build up to that moment. Decatur is hilly, very hilly and Chicago is very flat, so pushing myself up and down hills at max effort is only going to add so much value. Injuring myself up them sure won’t help. So if you’ve set a run, cycle, yoga goal make sure you are moving and pushing your body in ways that will benefit the end game!

Also to note, if your body truly feels like its been drug through the mud, give yourself the rest day! There is no shame in adding an extra one to your plan or even taking one to begin with! If you still want to make sure to move your body take a easy stroll around the neighborhood or do a gentle yoga session – your body will thank you either way!

Today, my body just said no. So I did some light stretching on the Nike Training App and took a short walk first thing in the morning. You can also Epsom salt bath, ice, use compression, foam roll, etc anything that relaxes and lets your body recover! Other than making sure Elijah is taken care of my legs are thrown up on the couch to keep them elevated! There are so many natural recovery tools that we have access to.

Wake up your body and then move it in the best way for you today!

Happy Tuesday Friends!

Jordan

Mama and Marathoner and Keeping God First

My body knows how to wake up right at 5am, it’s been conditioned to do so since my collegiate swimming days, if not before when our first bell in high school chimed at 7:25am. Jon jokes that he always thought he’d be the early riser, but God had other ideas. At this point it hardly matters even though most people think it sounds horrid. One hour is on the clock, I down a glass of water first thing, grab a banana and start the coffee. Maybe this already sounds way to structured for a morning to some, but this is me and this is the gifting and personality I’ve been given! And for the most part its propelled me.

I open up my laptop and send my first messages to my team, since they are ~11 hours ahead time is of the essence in making sure tasks are moving forward and bugs are taken care of. About 20 minutes later with coffee in hand I grab my Bible study and let everything fade around me. We just came back from Maryland, I didn’t take my study because of the nature of our trip and the fact my current study book is giant! Over the past year and a half Bible study discipline is one of the core areas I have worked on, it’s been challenging and beautiful. Now, I miss 5 days of study and I feel similar to not getting water after summer runs in Atlanta. The unquenchable thirst. In both cases if that weren’t the case I would be worried. Like a rain gauge that has been sitting dry for far too long in both running and spiritual growth hydration is the key.

After I wrap up study time (for anyone interested I do the She Reads Truth Monthly Study Plan) I usually have several messages highlighting my notifications bar. If I have a few spare minutes I’ll go ahead and try to resolve whatever is lighting up, but if Elijah is ready to get up then it waits a few minutes. It’s 6am Elijah is typically stirring, I let the dogs out, wake up Jon and we are off to the races. And for me that means semi-literally. It sounds intense, however, my gaze has been set for the day, not on the never ending to do list and work crises but above on the things that matter, therefore I feel sturdy and ready for the day.

I rock Elijah for a few minutes, and then he’s ready to move. He knows mommy goes out the door soon so quickly asks if he can go “side”. I fix him breakfast as Jon makes his way to the living room and by 6:45am, at the latest, I am out the door. I get in 6-8 miles depending on the day, some days depending on work load I’ll break my miles into a morning and afternoon run, but I always get them in. Not every run is easy, especially in Georgia summers, but they are worth it. Usually I’ll go half and half throughout the week between listening to Worship music or a podcast, and there is always one run that I go completely silent. It’s rhythmic, and my soul needs quiet and worship as much, and even more than my brain wants to know “all the things”. I’m not slow by any means, but I also have a long way to go to reach some lofty goals and so there is always the question….

But wait, why? You aren’t at Olympic Trials, you aren’t that caliber of runner (yet), why work that hard? And it’s something I battle with regularly. One, because I’ve been gifted with athleticism, and I’ve tasted that level in another sport. My mom told me when I thought about hanging up my cap and goggles after my sophomore year at GT that God gives you a gift and he gets to tell you when it’s over. That “over” was very clear after my senior year ACC Championships, but I still left a lot of potential on the table and this is just a continuation of something that started when I was 8 years old. Second, it allows me to build community all over Atlanta. People I love and a lot of people I would love to meet Jesus. So I want to keep showing up and putting what I’ve been given on the floor every day. And last, like anyone feels the mental release when you workout – thanks dopamine – it helps you breathe out and relax when it’s over!

So I warm down at by 730-745am, walk inside grab a shower, get Jon off to work and Elijah and I start our day together. It’s not easy friends, I am incredibly blessed I can work from home with flexibility. There were a few months that were really hard, now he’s able to have a little bit more structure around his day and it has made all the difference. In August he will go back to his Mom’s Day Out program two days a week, and that will be exciting as I get into the heaviest part of marathon training to be able to use some of that time for training. However, the grounded and peaceful feeling I feel isn’t because I have it all figured out, but because I know who does.

The days go on, most of the time they fly by. I pray we stay anchored in truth and love, that God brings clarity to the sport I love and have built such a community around, and that our top priorities remain our top priorities. Mama & Marathoning isn’t easy, but there is a whole lot of beauty God is bringing through it.

For now friends!

Give It Time…

As a way to finish off my birthday celebrations this past month, I got away for two days by myself to enjoy the Flower and Garden festival at Walt Disney World. It was the first time I had been away from Elijah for longer than a quick overnight. It felt quiet, uncomfortable, and it honestly took me a while to let myself breathe. I don’t mind traveling by myself, some people find it odd, but I’m safety conscious and I’m not a bar/club goer nor do enjoy late nights so I weed out some of the riskiest behaviors, so I enjoy removing distractions and going.

And it was nice. I flew out, landed, got my workout in, explored Epcot and its Flower and Garden Festival whimsy, and then I laid around in my room for two hours breathing and letting my body melt into a layer of myself that I do not frequently visit in these days. BUT I should. I should work to let myself breathe, relax my shoulders for more than just my time block for yoga every few days.

Regardless of whether you travel to do it or not, quietness has to be routine. And true quietness of body, mind, and soul – the kind of quiet soul where you are just an access point away from reaching into the heavenly – takes time to get too. And in this life we miss it. We might give ourselves a lunch for peace and quiet, or our husbands let us go get a massage or mani-pedi. But it’s different when you give yourself the freedom of space.

God wants that for us. He went away to Gethsemane to pray for quite awhile, he went to be still in a boat away from people and distraction. He went away, maybe not far away, but away to be completely quiet. It’s not an hour time block that needs to be added to the calendar, and it doesn’t mean it’s always easy to come by. I have a 14/15 month old at home and most days it seems like every minute of time is accounted for and includes my quiet time each day, but that’s not fluid and free space for me to breathe and just sit in quietness with myself and Him for an extended period of time.

Unfortunately for us in these days it does typically means having to schedule that time in advance, but do it unapologetically. Especially if you have kids, they say “it takes a village”: utilize them! They won’t mind helping carry the load for 24-48 hours whoever that is. Then, give yourself time to breathe, give it time to melt, give it time to hit the quietness that is truly supernatural. Let Him speak and move and just give you the rest He so longs to give you.

Give it time, and then give that time forward.

Jordan

33%

That’s where we are. 33% of 2021 is complete. This number feels significant. You are far enough for urgency, but not far enough to be “too far gone”! And while we could get into a conversation about “feelings” that’s not what this is about. It’s about the number that compels us to move, there’s still enough time but not too much time.

So let’s do a quick recap of where we, personally, are as a family and somethings we have our site on. It’s easier to look forward if you can take inventory and start at a place of gratitude for what might lie before:

January: We leaped into the world of a half day program twice a week for Elijah. He’s loving it and we are very thankful for place we found for him. We were very blessed to not have any family get super sick with COVID after the post holiday surge.

February: I ran my fourth full marathon (only half of it was good) and a disappointing 5K, but it fueled the fire for bigger dreams and goals and purpose in this journey called running.

March: Elijah turned ONE (and what a celebration we had), Jon started playing more at church, I ran my best postpartum race (10K), I drove to Florida for the day to celebrate and see two friends, I got my first vaccine, and we started gravitating towards some normal life things – A LOT felt like it changed this month

April: We both got fully vaccinated, Jon turned 33! We did a weeklong trip out west (Nevada, Utah, and a glimpse of AZ), got back into a church groove somewhat, Elijah busted up his mouth and then had surgery to fix it, and we simply enjoyed spring time!!

And now its May….

And that’s where we are, sitting in the moments. Not wanting to forget but also not wanting the next 67% to race by. It’s a chance to still do something without feeling like you are too far gone. Travel, change jobs, shift relationships, get healthier, start a new bible study, start a new routine, learn self defense, learn sign language, nothing is too far out of reach when you are 33%. BUT it should create some urgency.

So what do you feel compelled and called to do, to start, to finish?! Where can you still set your gaze and go after it?

For me, the Chicago marathon is less than 5 months away, I’m dialing into training I never have before and its exciting and challenging. LOVE ATLANTA is in June which is another big “project” I get the opportunity to be involved with. We have a few trips on the horizon to see family and one to a place we have never been before. Jon is hiring and training people as he continues to grow in his new role, and his hopes to be able to shift focus back to music and create some demos! And of course, growing in our ability to parent Elijah is always at the forefront. I could go on and on about the ways we want to utilize the rest of 2021, but however it is for me or for you we are in this together.

And I am cheering you on!

Jordan