I love being a mom and wife, I love being a teammate in my career, I love being an athlete, but the exhaustion is real and sometimes I truly wonder if anyone out there can relate. Especially in this season when my insomnia is running fierce. It seems like those nights that E sleeps 11 hours are the worst. I know you guys are out there, but sometimes I feel a lone. So here is a typical day the timeline, the frustrated, the fun, and the way Jesus is in every single moment of every single day.
2am: The insomnia rears its ugly head, Jon and babe are still asleep and I’m staring into the silence and I pop a melatonin to see if it will help my drift quickly. Sometimes it does, sometimes it does’t and sometimes I feel like crying because I know the morning comes all too soon and I can feel my body still craving sleep.
5am: I start to stir, babe starts to stir. I hop up to grab a sweatshirt, flip on the coffee, and open up my computer to see what our team has been up to as their day is halfway through and my attention is needed. Diapers changed, bottle out and a few morning cuddles begin the day. Then I answer the morning updates, try to get in 20 minutes of quiet time, and watch little play.
6:30am: Jon get’s up, let’s me take off for a run and/or get my workout in. It’s quiet, my neighborhood is safe but sleepy and its therapeutic around every turn.
7:30am: I’m home and showered hopping in to make breakfast for the boys, and get back to problem solving with my team. and a second cup of coffee.
8-12pm: Meetings, work grind, and hopeful little man get’s at least an hour nap somewhere in there.
12pm: Lunch for all 3 of us, a family walk around our park, and a decompression for the day that has already been. It starts to hit me that I’m tired, but you force it down and don’t give in to that afternoon cup calling your name, rather settling for decaf or tea.
2pm: I’m regularly wrapped up with any lingering issues that have come from our US team. Ready for a nap, but usually trying to get anything house wise taken care of while little man attempts to take a second nap (this does not always happen)
4pm: It’s time for babe’s dinner, the girls dinner, and for me to start prepping ours, I usually turn on jams at this part of the day to get me hype – sometimes works, sometimes not.
5pm: Night time routine begins, we eat dinner, talk down our days, go for an evening walk usually stopping to chat with 1 or 2 neighbors who are out and about as well. In this season we are cleaning the helmet, washing and brushing hair to keep everything Kosher every single night, cleaning baby toys, cleaning baby’s and enjoying some family moments before bed.
7pm: Bed time bottle and off to dreamland.
8:30pm: I’m usually asleep but not always, sometimes there is just life, work that didn’t get finished, house work that needs attention, or my mind is simply spinning to fast to get me there. But I know the insomnia is only hours away so I take deep breaths and settle into my sheets and just hope sleep embraces me tonight.
If you struggle like me, there is almost a fear associated with insomnia. It can be unpredictable, medication is hit or miss and the dread of the day after a long night can easily creep in. And I don’t have a ton of wisdom or experience, but I do know that God sees you in those quiet, hard and lonely moments and likewise He is faithful to give you exactly what you need for the day that follows I have learned that time and time again in this season. I also know that most of the time it is seasonal and you will come out of the valley and head towards the hillside. Take heart my friend, have faith, walk with confidence that God will always lead you through.
Rest well friends,