Not too long ago someone we know quoted the great Charles Dickens, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. People across the planet probably feel this all too deeply, but having had a baby on a week where governments were scrambling to shut down economies, and hospitals were gearing up and creating boundaries for anyone that came in and out – it was a whole different dynamic.
Here I stand typing this, yes standing because a fussy one month old bodes for constant movement, and my mind starts to swirl from the moments of just Jon and I in the hospital for 3 days to being at home sans doctors appointments every day since. And it’s the most beautiful, wonderful hard season, that just takes some perspective alongside the moments of emotion!
|It was the best of times…||It was the worst of times…|
|Quiet & still hospital moments just the 3 of us.||The broken expectation of our families meeting him in the hospital for the first time|
|Individualized care in the hospital||The eeriness of an empty and on guard hospital|
|The beauty of technology unveiled in FaceTime and Zoom||Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles not getting to hold their grandchild/niece/nephew right away|
|Completely still moments at home||Friends & family having to stay away from your home|
|Obligation is out the window||You miss your routine, the beauty in which you get to serve & live|
|Taking in the beauty of your neighborhood & community||The feeling of missing out on your first adventures elsewhere|
|The sun shining almost every day||Missing the sun shining in other places|
|Getting to be the most intentional with your babe||Missing those “scheduled” firsts in church and leaving him for date nights|
|You don’t miss any of their developments||You wish you could experience him reacting to other spaces & faces|
|You look out at the indefinite period of time with hope and belief||You look out at the indefinite period of time with broken expectations|
For all the things I feel like I’m “missing” there are 1000 reasons why this season is beautiful, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. And it’s okay to feel all the emotions that come with it. You do have broken expectations, but you also have an incredible gift. As long as you let the good and beautiful outweigh the sadness and overwhelm – you are doing great!