Smiles All Around and Running Lately….

July 4, 2018. I didn’t feel fast, after mile four I actually felt like throwing in the towel. My breathing shallowed, my quads were on fire, and the finish felt so far away. Never imagining what lie on the other side of that finish line. A top 30 finish in the largest 10K in the country, less than one minute away from being considered “elite”, and the impending weight of massive expectation.

July 14, 2018. A last minute 5K in support of an incredible organization: Back on My Feet. At 2.8 Kada collapsed on the ground, unable to move her legs, the pleading of help in her brown eyes. The fear sinking deep to the pit of my stomach that I might lose my pup (I didn’t).

Recovery.

Not a word that is unfamiliar, but one that has been largely tied to the physical aspects of running, but in this past season there was a different type of recovery that had to be done. Mental. The Peachtree Road Race left me numb and unmotivated because the pressure that I allowed to mount was unbearable for someone who was still on the tail end of the greatest mental, physical, and emotional battle of my life to date.

So the races stopped, the high mileage felt far too daunting, and it scared me to feel stuck  in the unknown. There were a few races that I was able to help pace and push-assist and support over this season, but I was never myself, and the community helped keep me going in whatever form that took. My friends and training buddies were with me in whatever way they needed to be and it really was key in keeping me in the game. So I looked at 2019 with open eyes, not really knowing where I was headed, but knowing that I still loved this sport I had found a home and community in.

Now in the remaining few days of January, new wind has blown in my sails, and that smile has crept back onto my face. During December I had to learn to let myself back off without guilt, something I resisted for the first 5 months of this journey. Guilt of letting people down, and even more pressing, letting myself down and not stewarding the gift I had been given had begun to become a banner, and it just couldn’t. So I picked up more cross and weight training and stuck to under 5 miles not sure if that would actually help where I was other than maintaining a base layer of fitness, but I finally learned to be okay with sitting there for whatever amount of time it took. I also found that my people cheered me on regardless. AND THEN in the past two weeks that spark has started to reignite, the excitement for runs has increased, the training runs with my people no matter the weather seem more enjoyable than feeling like a job. However, it’s listening taking the time to listen to where I am mentally and physically every single day that sets the tone.

So, now as I get excited for what’s in store here is a little bit of my training schedule and where I am headed the first part of this year with a smile on my face:

Mon – Cross-training/3 mile shakeout

Tues – 10K: 10 minute warm up, 5 minute progression, 30 minute intervals

Wed – Mobility and Yoga

Thurs – 5-7 mile tempo run

Fri – Mobility, light body-weight circuit, shake out (sometimes just an easy run, sometime striders).

Sat – 10-14 miles steady pace.

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And this week we get the bonus of having back to back 5Ks in the mix! Feel free to hop in!

Fri – Super Bowl VII 5K – medium-quick tempo

Sat – Hearts & Soles 5K – quick-sprint tempo

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On The Horizon:

Well besides the two aforementioned 5Ks to work on speed, here are a few things that are slated for 2019:

  • Road to Gold Test Event (March) – 8.2 miles on the Olympic Marathon Trial Qualifying course
  • Publix Half Marathon (March) – Pacing with my girl A @ 1:45
  • Star Wars Rival Run Half Marathon (April) – This will be my first trained for half in over a year!
  • Peachtree Road Race (July) – The 50th anniversary and excited to see what I can do this year, without feeling the weight of expectation

More TBD!

If you have any questions, or want some race or training recommendations please let me know at jordan@fuelingherforward.com ! I would also love to put my nutrition certification to work so please don’t hesitate to reach out.

Thanks for reading friends,

Jordan

 

On How Fueling During Conference Week Changed the Game of Trust.

Before we dive in let me disclaim that this is currently being written on the morning after conference, my head is throbbing from dehydration and there is a current reality of standing forever (slight exaggeration) because my hip is so inflamed, but there is something really beautiful inside some of my thoughts swirling around that I believe God wants to use.

There are some moments that thrust into trusting when we have absolutely no control and it’s in those moments that are shaping 2019 as we speak. The past two conferences have been incredibly different: in 2017 I had the ability to cut off my hunger as my body continued to lose weight, and in 2018 my body was fighting to restore itself and so eating whatever I want made those days easier. Here we sit in 2019 and the my body has reached a state of healthy, not underweight and not overweight, but my head still longs to play the head games, the enemy nipping to get some leverage into how, when, and what the four/five days in conference mode will be fueled by and with. So walking into Monday fear… the anxiety was deafening as grabbed breakfast and headed towards the arena, but this day, on that drive I still had a very real grip on the control I loved. I could still see the outline of the day and could grip onto the control of food until God turned the day on its head, and boldly proclaimed “no, we are going to learn a real lesson in trust”.

Monday was bad when it came to my mental state and my relationship food, like I could not have possibly ended 2018 on a worse note and Jon could vouch for that, the enemy loved it, and early afternoon tomorrow I somehow had to shape up.

Me, in my own strength; I was putting the pressure, the anxiety, the burden of my mental health on my own shoulders and just trying to figure it out. I didn’t think God wanted to fool with me when He was about to do something so much bigger in tens of thousands of 18-25 year olds across the world.

Tuesday morning I woke up still weary from what had gone down around midnight and stepped outside to a mostly Sunny and comfortable morning on New Years, I had a choice to make and it wasn’t in my own strength at that moment that the story could shift so I threw on shorts and a t-shirt, grabbed my headphones and jogged out the door to the only thing that could shift everything – worship. So what started out as a morning where I attempted to fight for control, slowly began to shift as I let the words of praise and trust flow out of my mouth down the road. At 10 Jon and I headed for brunch at True Food Kitchen for their New Years brunch specials and then the games began. Towards the end of our meal the message rang out that something was needed at the venue Jon and I were serving at that was at the other Atlanta venue, we weren’t far away so we hopped down there grabbed what was needed, and the rest of the week would never be the same.

Our timelines are never accurate. Even in our most surrendered days we cannot see what’s coming next, not exactly. So my schedule and my food control started to slip away as we went further and further into Tuesday, dropped the girls at doggy camp, checked into our hotel and then skipped over to the venue to finish set up. I never know the menus, the snacks, or have the ability to plan out snacks to bring because you never know where you’ll be or when you’ll be there. So in those few intimate moments of Tuesday where I was scribbling thoughts and prayers for the year ahead, there was the fact that in order to get through this week without getting so into my head that I lost vision or started binging I was going to have to let go.

Wednesday through Friday are a blur, there are moments that stand out, like getting to watch my friends lead in worship so humbly and passionately, Matt Chandler bringing a life changing truth about bringing the hard, the hurts, and the history to light so that God can start molding it into something new, and watching my team work at 150% despite how they felt and in surrender of how God would carry them through. Some fun facts that you might already know just from thumbing through any social media: Passion 2019 Album released THURSDAY! The 40,000 students gathered across the country raised almost $450K for the Deaf Bible Society. And the End it Movement comes on the sunrise of the Super Bowl hosted in Atlanta this year so that we can raise a voice during one of the most sex trafficked weekend of the year.

However, there is one intro video that hits me right where I am, or was. During this series of intro videos before each session they peaked into different hurts that we give control: assault, addiction, and eating disorders. These videos close with “I know there is more for me…” but that more can feel like a mountain you can never summit, but that video on eating disorders and the fiery word of Christine Caine forced me and anyone in those arenas with a story similar to mine to look at Jesus and our circumstance with a different perspective.

It shifted something in me as I thought about these days and how throughout constant shifts and the complete inability to control my food it brought so much freedom and He, and Him alone sustained me and allowed me to leave these days feeling better than I had in quite some time. Yes, I was tired and sore and depleted, but I also felt refreshed in a deeper way physically and mentally, because these days forced complete control. It was scary and it was supernatural. The force of surrender was 100% necessary and freeing, and there was a confidence that overwhelmed my soul as we trekked through the days feeling exhausted, but strong and free. Maybe you don’t have to get all the way to a force of control point, but maybe you do and my friend no matter – IT IS WORTH IT. Just let Him work in and through you. See what happens.

The days since then have been way more hands off, the control still comes in waves, but the confidence of the Provider has lowered my stress level in exponential ways. Now, here I sit a week later and feeling energized and fueled, and ready for whatever! As we are also on our Whole30 journey it’s been fun to feel a freedom to explore in ways I have yet to feel in this point of recovery. One such example is this quick and haphazardly delicious recipe.

On Sunday, I was meal prepping and it had taken a little longer than I had intended so with that came my last meal which was lunch and a ‘very quickly throw it together and be done’ mentality, but this one actually worked out so here you go:

Morning-Mole Salad

1 : Hard-boiled egg

1-2 slices : cooked bacon of your choice

1/4 cup : guacamole – I make a simple version myself (1 medium avocado, 2 tbsp diced onions + tomatoes, 1 tsp lemon juice, dash of salt and pepper – whip it together)

1/4 cup : diced green peppers

1/4 cup: pumpkin seed, dried cranberry (NS added) mix

1 Tbsp : lemon juice

 

So here you go 2019 – you are off to a great start and I am fully believing FOR YOU that the best is yet to come.

Jordan